As my birthday gets closer, I find myself reflecting daily on the growth in the past year. That changes, the friendships that have somewhat dissolved, flourished and rekindled. The growth and decline of so many things has me at somewhat of a standstill. I don’t want to grow up. Not that another year really is so much older then the year before, but that is how I feel it starts. Every year you say, its just another year, and then it has been five.
I don’t feel like I have not seen all the things I want to see, I feel I still have time for that and it will come. I don’t feel like I am missing out on life just because my life has changed. I am thankful for everything and everyone in my life. But my reasons for not wanting to grow up, today, they are because the babies that I love… they are growing up. And soon, I won be the cool and fun auntie. I will just be auntie.
Reagan, for the first half of your life… literally, I have been there for many of the firsts. I have been there for those treasured moments that makes every parent cry and laugh and frown and smile all at the same time. I have always been proud of you and never wanted you to stop exploring new things. To get dirty in the mud with all your friends, on picture day, because you have a teacher who wants children to experience every texture there is. To plant a cucumber plant and take care of it and eat it right out of the garden because that is the best way to eat any vegetable. To play with glitter and glue, at the same time, and find it three days later between your fingers….because its glitter. But, the time has come where you are able to be a big kid. You don’t NEED me to tie your shoes, brush your hair, get dressed…. You do it by yourself. I just want you to know, that as you get bigger… and see me less… cause you are your sister and very social like your mama… I want you to know this. I still want to be there for the firsts, I want to be there for them all, or hear about them all, or help your through them all. I might get older, and you may not think I understand, but, I will always be here and I will always understand.
Gracie, please stop growing…. That is all! Well, that is the main point to it all. Though part of me is super excited about your age… and you becoming just a little bit bigger. See, auntie isn’t really sure what to do with little babies, they sleep a lot and they are fun to hold… but they sleep a lot. You are becoming a toddler…. Aunties favorite! And as soon as the “holiday season” is over, I will be requesting permission to steal you on a regular basis. If you don’t mind. But now that you are hitting this wonderful and oh so fun stage… I reiterate, please stop growing!
I don’t want to grow up, because it means that they are growing up. And as an auntie, I don’t like it, even if it is a good thing.
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