Shouldnt be this annoyed on a friday, but I am

I am feeling very stuck today. Not because I can not get somewhere, but because I can not say something. It is something I want to say, that I want someone else to say too, yet I can not say it. I don’t want to make things worse or more awkward then they are, so I am trying really hard to not say what needs to be said. And, for the most part, it is driving me crazy.

I was brought up to know what was bad and what was good. I knew my manners and I knew when to keep my mouth shut. I knew that I wanted to treat people the way I expected to be treated. And though, I know that in my teens there were times when I could have made better choice, I still do not believe that I ever really tried to hurt someone so that they felt they weren’t good enough.

I have seen and been bullied, and no, I didn’t tell anyone. But what do you say to someone, who wont listen, that they are mean? what do you say to that person if you love them? And at what point do you say something because no one else will?

But, I cant talk about it. I cant say the things I want and the things that need to be said. …………….

I am also feeling very, annoyed would be the word. I am feeling like everything changed, not because I wanted it to, but because you wanted it to, and now you are so different. And I don’t want to really have you around. Because you make me uncomfortable, and really, kind of stupid. I don’t expect you to understand that, so it is why I know that lately I have distanced myself from you. And I have to say, the fact that you are pretty ok with it annoys me even worse.

But it is who you are and I should except that.

I have a million excuses for why and what. I know I do. But I still try. And the fact that I am expected to be the one that tries all the time gets boring and well, old. You kind of like a picture, fun to look at and usually brings a smile or a laugh, but you are fading over time. And soon, I will just replace the picture. I know that is somewhat mean to say, but if I am always the one giving and you are always getting, then at some point…. I will not want to give. I will be too busy to. And you probably wont notice because everyone gives to you, and you don’t see it.

But really, your probably too busy anyway, so what does me feeling like this matter.