She was always right, Thank you

Scared! The best word to describe how I am feeling would be scared. I have truly believed for years (like since I was a junior in high school) that I had an eye for things. I started taking photography classes and quickly dropped the course because I didn’t agree with my teacher. She didn’t see what I saw in the art of photography and I didn’t see what she saw as photography. Don’t get me wrong, she was trying to teach me the fundamentals and yes, I learned what to do in a dark room and how cool pin hole photos can be, but I wanted the camera! I wanted to take pictures. To be honest… and I will only admit this once! (I wanted to finish what my mother had started!)

But I dropped the course and fell in love with pottery! (which I would try to do for a living as well if I had a wheel and a kiln. (not to mention I would be by far the coolest auntie ever if we could make stuff, fire it and paint it all day)

Years later I met Mrs. Jen who taught me everything she knew about taking pictures of people! I will never forget the day she had me sit with her through an entire amazing sitting. I was in aw of her talents and amazed at how easily it came to her. I was learning slowly and Jen saw my potential and kicked me in the but. I was learning how to process film, using a darkroom bag that made my hands sweat. I was never scared to unroll the film in that bag because the rolls were fake rolls…… till that day, when I watched Jen take and amazing sitting. She had be straighten up the room. She went out back and got the bag ready for me. When I entered the lab she was calm. I will never forget the following.

She asked if I had used the bag, I said yes. She said great here is more practice. I put my hands in the bag, unrolled the film and she smiled. She asked what I thought of her sitting. I said awesome or great or amazing. I don’t remember the word I used, I remember the look when I realized why she had asked me that. And then she said it “great, because you have that roll in your hands, don’t mess it up!” I was scared. I told her to go in the bathroom (the only completely dark room in the studio) and take it from me. I didn’t want to mess it up! And Jen looked at me with the look I have seen from her 100 times since that day and heard her say what I have now heard her say 100 times to me. “why, you can do this. You know what your doing so do it! If you get really stuck I am right here, but you can do this!” and guess what…. I did.

I will remember the first time I took a good picture, I will never forget the day portrait photography clicked in my head and I took a great and then an amazing picture. I will never forget the advice that she gave me when I was struggling to get those shots “don’t force yourself to do this, one day it will just click.” and she was right! When I became a manager and trained new photographers, I used her same words. I used her same methods, I pushed people to get the amazing, great and awesome shots. Hugged then the days it finally clicked with them too.
I have now been taking pictures on and off for almost ten years (crazy) and is something that I have never become board doing. I love it. And everyone has made me believe at this point in my life that I can do it. So, after Jen telling me that if she could she would do it with me, I did it! I started doing it. And I have never had more fun doing it. I can see this growing, I can see this taking off and this working for me. I signed my first wedding contract and it was amazing. I felt like nothing will hold me back. I have three contracts to meet and sign in the next three months. People who want what I am offering at the moment and nothing more. But I am scared. Because I know I can do this, I know that this is what I would want to do all day every day! And if I fail I will be sad. And at the moment I am only $1000.00 away from my 1st goal. My second goal is shortly behind my first. (if it works out like I need it to then my first three goals will happen all at once, maybe, and I have a total of 5 goals for a two year span) that is wishful thinking and I know it is possible.

At first I was going to do this with someone. And that was great, but I think I just wanted/needed someone with me so that if I fail, I don’t fail alone. But my drive and ambition is deeper then my friends, so again I have to just do this alone and know that if I keep pushing my way through then I can do this!

She was always right, I CAN DO THIS!

Thank you