I have had so much to say lately and I can’t seem to get it
all out. I have mentioned a time or two on the joys struggles of being a
step-parent. These last few months have really tested me in ways that I did not
enjoy to be completely honest. For those of you that have children, I applaud
you in your day in and out battles with them. I can only imagine the fun time
you must have trying to convince children under the age of five why doing something
is a necessary part of the day. Having the endless answers to “why”, is something
that I am not sure I could do day in and out to be straightforward. It is more
of a fun game that I play for a short period of time with some of the funniest
loves of my life, then returning them to their parents who I am sure do not
love the game as much as I.
However, my day in and out battles are battles I wish to not
have lately. With a person who in this stage of their life thinks that they are
right and come with an attitude as big as they are. I will say thankfully I was
raised in a household that saw my attitude at this age and endured it with calm
and patient understanding that I now try struggle to use as well. It also
helps that I do have friends who have children who are older and venting to
them helps.
In my house, things are NOT the way that books and educated
professionals say they should be. I, the step-parent in the house, have
the privilege duty of being the enforcer. A difficult and challenging role
that most step-parents are advised strongly not to take. As well as one that
not many people understand. I get to act like a parent, yet I am a step-parent.
The rolling of eyes, sighs of frustrations, heated debates, long hours of
educated guessing and revoking privileges are all something I have day in and
out been learning and dealing with.
This isn’t because the parent in the household is unable to
take these moments as they come. It is because tears happen; fights drag out
and then follow through falls short of the goal. Not to mention, though my
grammar and spelling are not astounding or respectable, I am the one who finds
more mistakes in more homework assignments. I am the parent who is somehow
harder, yet easier to work with. One way or another, this new role for both of
us, being full-time parents is a never ending question of if we are doing this
right. Comparing constantly to how it was done before and thinking that we are
in fact not as bad as it as we think.
Yet some days, I truly wonder how every other parent,
dealing with the same age child, doesn’t lock them in a room and throw away a
key. How is it that in any other situation in life, we would hurdle into a
heated debate with someone else who assumed speaking in a tone or manner as
they do was acceptable? How is it that when intensely told that help was not
needed walking away isn’t an option? Why is it that grades and work seem to
have taken on a deeper meaning then they ever did? And seriously, how it is
that after enforcing a punishment for the failure of meeting the standard you
have set, do you feel horrible and in the wrong for what you have enforced?
I am sure that most all parents have felt or feel
this way from time to time. I know from venting to friends who have these
moments as well that it is “the age” and that it will pass. I understand that
in comparison to the prior year a very large improvement has come from this
making me think that I am doing a decent job. I also see the transformation and
progression and admire what has come from all this but, I also feel as though I
have to second guess these developments daily. Because in fact, I am the step-parent
and not the parent and this role that I have taken makes be believe that I will
be despised later on instead of respected for what has come from these moments.
Yet causing me to question if this would really bother me or would the
wonderful outcome of; good grades, willingness to learn, understanding of
manners and good health be enough satisfaction for me. When I already look back
and see the changes I think how remarkable it is that this has all happened within
a few months. When I thought this would honestly take much longer and be much harder
to accomplish. Especially with the fact that this is not a teenager that I watched
grow from an infant to now. I did not learn early every like and dislike, very
quirk and or who he really is as a person. I had to jump in quickly, learn what
I could and have run with it sense.
I know I am not going to win any outstanding award for this.
Nor do I ever see myself being able to be in the ultra-elite club known by all
moms. But what I do know is that the club I am in there are others. And some
have the role I do and some do not. I know that I will continue to learn, win
and fail at this role, but will always be striving to do what I think is best. And
at the end of the day, that’s all that really matters. I think.
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